Fiction: At the autopsy

Coroner: (holding scalpel) 52-year-old Caucasian male. 191 cm. BMI in high 20s. Recent covid infection. What’s the CoD?

Student: (nervous) MI? CVA?

Coroner: Good guesses. But it was DCI.

Student: Er?

Coroner: (mock sighs) What do Universities teach anymore, besides wokeness? Domestic Cat Incident.

Student: (scribbles in notebook of acronyms) It clawed him to death for being late with the Dreamies? It gave him toxoplasmosis?

Coroner: LATOS

Student: (scribbles in notebook again, followed by awkward silence)

Coroner: Give up? Lurked at top of stairs. This mook (gestures to very good-looking corpse) stepped on the cat and went cranium over talus down a flight.

Student: Oh my god, how awful

Coroner: Don’t worry, the cat’s fine. They usually are after a LATOS.

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