Absolutely brilliant/essential reading.
Guy asks about whether apologising for abuse is a good idea.
The considered reply includes this.
Or, if you want the text: “To be a woman in this world is a Sisyphean task. It is large rocks and steep hills, forever. That’s not all it is, of course, it’s also wonderful shit like gossip and the ardency of female friendship and Korean skincare so good you don’t have to quit smoking. But always, always, there are rocks and there are hills. For most of my life men have been content with saying the ground is actually quite flat. But the so-called reckoning of Me Too has also been a revelation, as much a matter of epistemology as ethics, and now lots of men are willing to say (publicly, in insufferably long Facebook messages and Twitter threads!) “oh wow… I had no idea that rock was so large or that hill so steep.” Some feel terrible about this. Some offer better rock-pushing strategies. Some survey their own personal landscape and realize the ways in which they have made the undertaking more difficult for women they have known.”
and then later this
“One thing I can assure you of is that — despite our current reputation as cold and unforgiving — women spend approximately 78 percent of our emotional energy forgiving men. Often when they ask for it, but more often when they haven’t, or don’t even realize that they should. We hardly have a choice in the matter, as if we didn’t it would be even more difficult to move through the world. There’s only so much you can carry, and I’m sure some of these women set your burden down long ago.”
But the whole damn thing is brilliant, as are her other columns.
The author is Brandy Jensen and she writes like a dream.