New Testament: Matthew 13-23

Fifteen years ago I read the Old Testament (King James Version) and blogged it as I went. I always meant to keep on trucking, but, well, I didn’t.

Now, in January and February of 2026 I am going to read all 27 books of the New Testament (I have a passing familiarity with the Gospels, thanks to secondary school, and I did read the Book of Revelations at some point (fever dream, innit?)

The plan is to read at most ten pages a day, with rest days more frequent than old “1-in-7” for the Gospels through Romans, but then, because it all gets somewhat shorter, one a day for most of February.

Crucially, am blogging as I go

Summary as if I were AI: 

Jesus keeps miracling and makes it to Jerusalem. He knows there is Trouble Ahead…

Historical – when written, by whom

See previous paragraph grab of Wikipedia.

Most poetic bits

Oh, heaps of it. The King James version really rocks, doesn’t it?

Most quotable bits

16:26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

Most “wtaf” bit(s)

Jesus clearly thought everything was going to move quite swiftly. And here we are, 2000 years later…

16:28 Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.

Jesus is not a big fan of progressive taxation

13:12 For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath.

Jesus is not your friend if you’ve been naughty.  It’s not just a lump of coal you’re gonna get…

13:41-2 The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; ⁴²and shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.  

^{D.I.V.O.R.C.E}

19:9 divorce and remarry = adultery ⁹And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Jesus doesn’t like bird sellers

21: 12 Jesus versus the money lenders and the dove salesmen

And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves

What it reminds me of (books/plays/jokes etc)

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Further reading

Xx

Chapter 13

Parable of the Sower – not as much fun as Octavia Butler’s version

13:12 WTAF ¹²For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath.

13:14  And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; And seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive:

Word – Tares – 1.

• a vetch, especially the common vetch.
• 2.
• (in biblical use) an injurious weed resembling corn when young (Matt. 13:24–30).

13:41-2  ⁴¹The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; ⁴²and shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.  

Chapter 14 – takes it to the next level

14:8 ^“And she, being before instructed of her mother, said, Give me here John Baptist’s head in a charger.”

Wow. That John the Baptist is a real small guy. A pin-head even…

Feeding the 5k, walking on water, healing more folks

Chapter 15

15: 1-2 No handwashing? Ewww. ¹Then came to Jesus scribes and Pharisees, which were of Jerusalem, saying, ²Why do thy disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? for they wash not their hands when they eat bread.

15: 11 Words are bad. Silence is golden – ¹¹not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man. 

15: 32-8 – more loafing and fishing

Chapter 16

16:23 But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.

16:26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

16:28 Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.

Chapter 17

17: 1-8 – the sidekicks meet the Big Guy…

¹And after six days Jesus taketh Peter, James, and John his brother, and bringeth them up into an high mountain apart, ²and was transfigured before them: and his face did shine as the sun, and his raiment was white as the light. ³And, behold, there appeared unto them Moses and Elias talking with him. ⁴Then answered Peter, and said unto Jesus, Lord, it is good for us to be here: if thou wilt, let us make here three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias. ⁵While he yet spake, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them: and behold a voice out of the cloud, which said, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye him. ⁶And when the disciples heard it, they fell on their face, and were sore afraid. ⁷And Jesus came and touched them, and said, Arise, and be not afraid. ⁸And when they had lifted up their eyes, they saw no man, save Jesus only.

Chapter 18

18:7-8 amputee fetishism ⁷Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! ⁸Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

21-2 – forgive 490 times  ²¹Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? ²²Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Chapter 19

19:9 divorce and remarry = adultery ⁹And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

21-2 – Richboy gets cold feet ²¹Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. ²²But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions.

19:28 Jesus seems to have forgotten that one of the 12 is a bad’un…

²⁸And Jesus said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That ye which have followed me, in the regeneration when the Son of man shall sit in the throne of his glory, ye also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.

Chapter 20

20: 1-16 – Jesus as the Prince of Piecework – I am sure Marx had something to say about this, Labour theory of value etc etc

20: 16 So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen.

20: 30-34 Restores sight to two blind men.

Chapter 21 (towards the endgame)

21: 12 Jesus versus the money lenders and the dove salesmen

And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves

Two vineyard parables

21: 44 And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.

21: 46 Jesus protected by “the multitudes”

Chapter 22

22: 1-14 Wedding parable

22: 14  For many are called, but few are chosen.

Jesus avoids traps with ‘render unto Caesar

Issues two commandments

22: 43-6 Shuts up the trappers with a riddle of his own…

 He saith unto them, How then doth David in spirit call him Lord, saying,

⁴⁴The LORD said unto my Lord,

Sit thou on my right hand,

Till I make thine enemies thy footstool?

⁴⁵If David then call him Lord, how is he his son? ⁴⁶And no man was able to answer him a word, neither durst any man from that day forth ask him any more questions.

Chapter 23

23: 3  Talk is cheap –  all therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.

23: 12 – a humblebragger’s charter! And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.

Jesus goes all Michael Gove – has had enough of “experts”

23: 13-4 Curses Pharisees, scribes etc (and reviewer two, obvs) But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in. ¹⁴Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation. 

23: 23 ²³Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

23: 24 – Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel

23: 27 White sepulchres Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness.
23: 33 Ye serpents  Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?