Fifteen years ago I read the Old Testament (King James Version) and blogged it as I went. I always meant to keep on trucking, but, well, I didn’t.
Now, in January and February of 2026, I am going to read all 27 books of the New Testament (I have a passing familiarity with the Gospels, thanks to secondary school, and I did read the Book of Revelations at some point (fever dream, innit?)).
The plan is to read at most ten pages a day, with rest days more frequent than the old “1-in-7” for the Gospels through Romans. After that, I’m over the hump, because it all gets somewhat shorter, one a day for most of February. Crucially, am blogging as I go…
Matthew 1-12
Summary as if I were AI:
Someone from a long line of people dodges a bloodthirsty guy called Herod and starts performing miracles, and getting a following.
Oh, I should watch the Pasolini! The Gospel According to St. Matthew (film) – Wikipedia
Historical – when written, by whom
According to church tradition originating with Papias of Hierapolis (c. 60–130 AD),[21] it was written by Matthew, the companion of Jesus, but the large majority view the gospel as an anonymous composition, as was common for bios; biographies by Plutarch and Suetonius were originally anonymous as well,[10][9][22] though the “traditional authorship still has its defenders.”[23] It is possible that the gospel incorporates a lost prior source attributable to Matthew.[13][24][11] Regardless, the gospel was attributed to Matthew very early,[11] and was highly popular in the early church, and most scholars today argue that the Gospel of John, often attributed to the beloved disciple, used it and the other Synoptics as a source.[25][12][26][27] Most scholars hold that it was written in the last quarter of the first century by a male Jew who stood on the margin between traditional and nontraditional Jewish values and who was familiar with technical legal aspects of scripture being debated in his time.[28][29][b] Other scholars, such as N. T. Wright[30] and John Wenham,[31] hold there are problems with dating Matthew late in the first century, and argue that it was written in the 40s–50s AD.[c] Whether the Gospels were composed before or after 70 AD, according to Bas van Os, the lifetime of various eyewitnesses that includes Jesus’s own family through the end of the First Century is very likely statistically.[32] Markus Bockmuehl finds this structure of lifetime memory in various early Christian traditions.[33]
(Wikipeida)
Most poetic bits
Oh, there’s heaps (see below)
Most quotable bits
Matthew 7:19 – lots of deforestation!! 19Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. 20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
Most “wtaf” bit(s)
Guns and Ammo Jesus!!
10: 34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. 35For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law
Dubya Bush Jesus!
12:30 He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.
What it reminds me of (books/plays/jokes etc)
Oh, so many. So many for which I will burn in Heck.
Further reading
Well, there’s plenty, but life is short and I will be dead forever, so I will probably leave it at just the film (the Pasolini one).
Chapter 1
Lots of men do lots of begatting, for 14 generations from Abraham to Joseph
Joseph was “minded to put her away privily” but a spirit said that wasn’t the spirit.
Matthew 1:25 – Joseph has blue balls “and knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS.”
Chapter 2
Herod’s on the scene. Gold, frankincense and myrrh…
Joseph told to get out of Dodge.
There’s a lot of retconning to make sure that prophecies are adhered to.
Chapter 3
We meet John the Baptist. Then a grown-up Jesius meets him, gets a splash.
Chapter 4
Jesus meets Satan. Then meets Simon and Andres, says “come with me if you want to live.” And he does a lot of healing, and gets a following. I’ve got a bad feeling about this, where it might all end….
Chapter 5
Sermon on the Mount. Blessed are the cheesemakers
5:28 – very down on porn 28but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Chapter 6
More rules.
And the Lord’s Prayer
6:24 Can’t serve God and Mammon. – 24No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
6:30 Oh yeah of little faith 30Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Chapter 7
7:1 Judge not 1Judge not, that ye be not judged
7:13 Wide is the gate, destruction 13Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
7:19 – lots of deforestation!! 19Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. 20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
End of the Sermon on the Mount (but it’s in other Gospels, no?)
Chapter 8
Cures a leper. Crowds gather. Why did the leper fail his driving test? He left his foot on the accelerator.
Not big on attending funerals – let the dead bury the dead (8:22) 21And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. 22But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead.
Chapter 9
9:24-5 undertakers will be pissed off
24he said unto them, Give place: for the maid is not dead, but sleepeth. And they laughed him to scorn. 25But when the people were put forth, he went in, and took her by the hand, and the maid arose. 26And the fame hereof went abroad into all that land.
Chapter 10
Delegates powers to 12 disciples (but they turn out not to have the full knack)
10:34 That Jesus, guns and ammo Jesus…
34Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. 35For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law
Chapter 11
Meh
Chapter 12
More cures
Conflict with the Pharisees
12:30 Very binary! Compare Dubya Bush – 30He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad. 12:43 Dry places, no rest. 43When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none.
marchudson.net 
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