One of my favourite Dire Straits songs (of many) is “industrial disease” – for its cynicism, its jauntiness and the immortal lyric “sociologists invent words that mean industrial disease”.
Today on Bluesky I found myself advocating for a reboot of industrial disease with the words “additional degrees”. Well, here we are…
| Industrial disease | Additional degrees |
| Now, warning lights are flashing down at quality control Somebody threw a spanner, they threw him in the hole There’s rumors in the loading bay and anger in the town Somebody blew the whistle, and the walls came down There’s a meetin’ in the boardroom, they’re tryin’ to trace the smell There’s a leakin’ in the washroom, there’s a sneak-in personnel Somewhere in the corridors someone was heard to sneeze Goodness me, could this be industrial disease? Caretaker was crucified for sleeping at his post Refusing to be pacified, it’s him they blame the most Watchdog got rabies, the foreman got the fleas Everyone concerned about industrial disease There’s panic on the switchboard, tongues in knots Some come out in sympathy, some come out in spots Some blame the management, some the employees Everybody knows it’s the industrial disease Yeah, now the work force is disgusted, downs tools, walks Innocence is injured, experience just talks Everyone seeks damages, everyone agrees that These are classic symptoms of a monetary squeeze On ITV and BBC they talk about the curse Philosophy is useless, theology is worse History boils over, there’s an economics freeze Sociologists invent words that mean “industrial disease” Doctor Parkinson declared, “I’m not surprised to see you here You’ve got smokers cough from smoking, brewer’s droop from drinking beerI don’t know how you came to get the Bette Davis knees But worst of all young man, you’ve got industrial disease” He wrote me a prescription, he said, “You are depressed But I’m glad you came to see me to get this off your chest Come back and see me later, next patient, please Send in another victim of industrial disease” Ah! Splendid Now, I go down to Speaker’s Corner, I’m thunderstruck They got free speech tourists, police in trucks Two men say they’re Jesus, one of them must be wrong There’s a protest singer, he’s singing a protest song He says, “They wanna have a war, keep their factories They wanna have a war to keep us on our knees They wanna have a war to stop us buying Japanese They wanna have a war to stop industrial disease They’re pointing out the enemy to keep you deaf and blind They wanna sap your energy, incarcerate your mind Give ya “Rule Britannia”, gassy beer, page three Two weeks in España and Sunday striptease” Meanwhile, the first Jesus says “I’ll cure it soon Abolish Monday mornings and Friday afternoons” The other one’s out on hunger strike, he’s dying by degrees How come Jesus gets industrial disease? | Now, warning lights are flashing down at atmosphere control Somebody had a banner, they threw him in the hole There’s rumors at Mauna Loa and anger in the town Somebody wrote a paper, and the walls came down There’s a meetin’ in the boardroom, they’re tryin’ to make excuses There’s a march in every city, though people askin’ what the use is, Somewhere in the corridors someone has landed on their knees Goodness me, could this be additional degrees? Scientists are crucified for understating facts Refusing to be pacified, it’s them they blame as lax Watchdogs got toothless, the foreman got the fleas Everyone concerned about additional degrees There’s panic in NGOs, tongues in knots Some come out for action, some unleash the bots Some blame mismanagement, some plant more trees Everybody knows it’s additional degrees Yeah, the electorate’s disgusted, switches teams, baulks Innocence is injured, experience just talks Everyone seeks damages, everyone agrees that These are classic symptoms – a Cheynes-Stokesy wheeze On ITV and BBC they talk about the heat Ice creams and sandy castles – neat! Thermometers boil over, there’s a costa cooling squeeze Climatologists invent words that mean “additional degrees” Professor Anderson declared, “I’m not surprised to see you here You’ve got hopers’ cough from hoping, brewer’s droop from drinking beer I don’t know how you came to sneer at Greta Thunberg’s pleas But worst of all young man, you’ve got additional degrees.” He wrote me a prescription, he said, “You are depressed But I’m glad you came to see me to get this off your chest Come back and see me later, next meatsack, please Send in another victim of additional degrees ” Ah! Splendid Now, I go down to Speaker’s Corner, I’m thunderstruck They got free speech tourists, police in trucks Two men say they’re Jesus, one of them must be wrong There’s a protest singer, he’s singing a protest song He says, “They wanna trade some carbon, keep their factories They wanna trades some carbon, as a bankers’ wheeze They wanna trade some carbon and make cash rom the sleaze They’re merely gonna add some additional degrees They’re spouting tripe about technology to keep you deaf and blind They wanna stop wind energy, incarcerate your mind Give ya “Rule Britannia”, gassy beer, page three Two weeks in España and Sunday striptease” Meanwhile, the first Jesus says “I’ll cure it soon Abolish Monday mornings and Friday afternoons” The other one’s out on hunger strike, he’s dying by degrees How come Jesus gets additional degrees? |
marchudson.net 
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